Please
accept -- with no obligation, implied or implicit, on behalf of the wisher or
wishee -- my best wishes for an environmentally-conscious, socially-responsible,
low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice,
practiced within the traditions and/or within the religious or secular belief(s)
of your choice and with respect for the traditions and/or religious or secular
beliefs of others or for their choice to not practice traditions and/or
religious or secular beliefs at all; and for a fiscally-successful,
personally-fulfilling, medically-uncomplicated recognition of the onset of what
is generally accepted as the new Gregorian calendar year, but with due respect
for calendars of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make
America great*, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical
ability, sexual orientation, political affiliation, or choice of computer
operating system of the wisher.
DISCLAIMER - By accepting this greeting you are accepting the terms of the
greeting and all responsibility associated with it. This greeting is subject to
clarification and/or revocation at any time at the discretion of the wisher.
This greeting is non-transferable without the express written consent of the
wisher. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the
wishes for himself/herself or for others. This greeting is warranted to perform
as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one
year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes
first. Warranty is limited to replacement of this greeting or issuance of a new
greeting at the sole discretion of the wisher, who assumes no responsibility for
any unintended emotional stress this greeting may bring to those not caught up
in the holiday spirit. By accepting this greeting you agree to subscribe
to annual updates at a cost completely arbitrary to the wisher at the time of
renewal. Failure to subscribe -in effect, failure to renew this greeting - will
result in forfeiture of the original greeting, loss of your parents' homes,
euthanasia for your and your neighbors' pets, and prosecution in a kangaroo
court of law comprised of the wisher's closest friends and paid business
associates, convened by the wisher at a location deemed most inconvenient to
you. Reading of this disclaimer constitutes your acceptance of the
greeting. Oh, and I almost forgot...this disclaimer supersedes all local, state
and federal laws previously enacted to prevent such disclaimers from superseding
all local, state and federal laws.
* -- This does not imply that the United States of America is necessarily
greater than any other country, or that it is the only America in the western
and/or eastern hemispheres.